Top 10 Signs You're the Next Sam Bankman-Fried

Welcome back, everybody! We're here tonight to poke fun at the latest cryptocurrency controversy. So, who's Sam Bankman-Fried? Oh yeah, he's the guy whose crypto empire is crumbling like a Ponzi scheme! But seriously, folks, when we saw this news, we thought, 'Hey, why not make some jokes about it?'

10. They start using "I'm just trying to make the world a better place, man" as their go-to excuse for every questionable life choice.

9. Their friends notice they're always wearing the same outfit: a faded FTX t-shirt and a look of perpetual bewilderment.

8. You catch them whispering "crypto's going to save us all" to their cat at 3 AM.

7. They begin collecting cryptocurrency trading cards, convinced they'll be worth millions someday (spoiler alert: they won't).

6. Their social media feeds are flooded with "I'm a good boy, I promise!" memes and vague references to "doing the right thing."

5. You find them in their garage, surrounded by empty FTX coffee cups, muttering something about "disrupting the status quo" while building a makeshift trading floor out of cardboard boxes.

4. They start using the phrase "I'm not a businessman, I'm a cryptocurrency enthusiast" to deflect questions about their questionable investment decisions.

3. You notice they've replaced their LinkedIn profile picture with a screenshot of their FTX account balance (it's always "processing").

2. Friends start reporting them for spamming their feeds with unsolicited offers to "moon the market" and "make some real money, bro".

1. They send you a cryptic email at 2 AM saying, "I've got a plan to make all our wildest dreams come true... just trust me on this one".

And that's a wrap, folks! We hope you enjoyed these top 10 reasons why someone is like Sam Bankman-Fried in the making. Remember, always keep your crypto investments stable... and your sense of humor sharp!