Prince Harry's Pattern: A Tale of Exit and Blame

ROYAL ROASTING

The latest scandal to rock the Royal Family involves Prince Harry's explosive fallout with the chair of his beloved Sentebale youth charity, Dr Sophie Chanduka. The Prince was expected to be exonerated in the Charity Commission watchdog report, but instead, it found that all parties were at fault, including Harry himself.

A ROYAL FLUNK

According to sources close to the Palace, Harry is "emotionally devastated" and "drained" after losing the battle with the charity he has championed for 19 years. But experts say it's a classic case of Prince Harry playing the victim card – again. His friends have briefed that his life mantra is to "Leave, blame, reposition," never taking responsibility or accountability for his actions.

THE QUEEN'S SON'S QUITTING PROBLEM

This isn't the first time Harry has walked away from a high-profile role. He quit the Army after serving in Afghanistan and could have forged a successful career in the Forces. He also left the Royal Family with wife Meghan, who was supported by the late Queen Elizabeth II. Now, he's making millions in America, vilifying his own family – classic Harry.

KATE VS KATIE

Meanwhile, Kate Moss is partying in Ibiza, carrying a £35,000 Hermes bag as a beach tote. The supermodel has had a disastrous summer, with her wellness brand Cosmoss going bust owing £2.3million and her long-term boyfriend Nicollai von Bismark dumping her.

THE M&S SHAKEDOWN

In other news, Marks & Spencer is replacing its Christmas fairy Dawn French with White Lotus star Aimee Lou Wood on a hefty seven-figure sum. But is the retailer forgetting that the biggest spenders at Yuletide are still mumsy women over 45?

WESTMINSTER WARS

• Kemi Badenoch has rejected God, but still claims to be a "Cultural Christian." What arrogance? There's no such thing as cultural Christianity – it's a faith possessed by many Conservative voters.
• Labour's new one-in-one-out asylum policy is in shambles after just one week. Home Secretary Yvette Cooper can't explain how it works or tell us how many illegals will be removed.

BBC BASKET CASE

The latest scandal to hit the BBC is Strictly professionals using cocaine on set, following the sacking of Givanni Pernice and Grazia Di Prima. This comes after a series of debacles, including the Huw Edwards horror show and the Bobby Vylan antisemitic rant at Glastonbury.

CAMPAIGNING FOR CHANGE

Campaigners are fighting for laws to crack down on cosmetic surgery cowboys, including the daughters of Alice Webb, 33, who died after a liquid Brazilian butt lift. A tragedy that raises questions about why any mother would take such risks when she looked lovely in the first place.

THE TRUTH ABOUT BRA FITTING

A recent incident at M&S has sparked justified outrage after a trans employee offered to help a 14-year-old girl with a bra fitting. The experience was traumatic for both parties, highlighting the need for greater understanding and sensitivity in today's society.

KATIE PRICE: THE ROLE MODEL

Katie Price is often criticized for her lifestyle, but it's hard not to feel sorry for her after being banished from daughter Princess's TV debut in ITV2's The Princess Diaries. Katie raised her handicapped son Harvey and has shown gumption throughout her colourful life – qualities that could be learned by her own daughter.

THE LOVE AFFAIR WITH CONVERTIBLES IS OVER

The market for soft-tops has dropped to a 25-year low, and experts say it's because these motors were mostly bought by men having a mid-life crisis. And driving around with their bald heads and sunburnt arms, they ended up looking like prawns left too long on the barbie.

GARY LINEKER: THE NEW SATURDAY NIGHT GUY

Gary Lineker is set to host a new Saturday-night game called The Box, where celebrities will be put in separate boxes and given challenges to complete. We can only hope that the tasks won't include waving a pro-Palestinian flag as fast as possible.

DAVID BECKHAM: THE PEC- PERFECT DAD

Some solace for blokes to see this picture of a balding, heavily wrinkled David Beckham on holiday, au naturel-looking like a slightly flabby extra in a Guy Ritchie gangster movie. Who knew the former Spice Boy was hiding such a vulnerable side?

THE ONLY MAN NOT SACKED AT THE BBC

Tim Davie, the BBC's Director-General, is still in his job despite presiding over a series of debacles, including the sacking of both MasterChef hosts Gregg Wallace and John Torode. It seems he's the only one who can't be touched.

THE MARKET FOR FREEBIES IS ON THE RISE

The PM's wife Victoria Starmer is rumbled after taking £650 worth of freebie tickets for her and family members (though not hubby) to Ascot. Blimey, how is it that Lady Invisible always seems to turn up for a jolly?

EMERALD FENNELL: THE DIRECTOR WHO CAN'T RESIST

Emerald Fennell's adaptation of Wuthering Heights has been panned by test audiences as gratuitously full of her trademark "stylised depravity," or endless "d*" scenes. It seems the director can't resist pushing the boundaries, even when it comes to classic literature.

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