Meghan's Delivery Room Dance: A Desperate Ploy for Attention?

The Royal Rogue and the Supermodel Snack

In a shocking turn of events, the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle, has revealed that she's been experiencing a jam shortage at her Montecito estate. The news comes as no surprise, given the chaotic state of affairs that seems to plague every endeavor undertaken by this power couple.

It appears that Harry and Meghan are more interested in seeking attention than actually accomplishing anything meaningful. Their forays into the world of business have been marked by a series of blunders, including trademarking failures and fluffed commercial launches. One can't help but wonder if they're more focused on their Netflix deal than genuinely contributing to society.

Take, for instance, their recent attempts at promoting their Archewell charity. A quick glance at the website reveals that the last update was from a month ago – a pitiful excuse for an organization that claims to be dedicated to "making a difference." It's little wonder that their efforts are being met with skepticism when they fail to acknowledge the actual heroes behind important legislation, such as Republican Senator Ted Cruz and President Trump.

Meanwhile, Prince Harry is dealing with his own controversies. He's resigned from his African charity Sentebale amid bullying accusations – a move that raises more questions than answers about the couple's true intentions.

But let's not forget about Meghan's 40x40 initiative, which was supposed to help women return to the workforce but has fizzled out into nothingness. Or her Parents' Network, which seems to have done little except create a memorial garden. One can't help but wonder if these "initiatives" are merely PR stunts designed to boost their public image.

The Supermodel Snack

Kendall Jenner is sharing the secrets of her 200-calorie breakfast with her Instagram followers – and it's a culinary abomination that only a supermodel could get away with. A complicated plate of raspberries, strawberries, blackberries, matcha green tea powder, nuts, and yogurt, washed down with a golden milk latte (coffee spiced with turmeric), is the breakfast of champions.

Of course, we're expected to believe that this gastronomic monstrosity is the key to her enviable physique. If only we could all look like Kendall, sipping on moon milk while snacking on berries in our bespoke kitchen.

Theatre Owner Calls for Shorter Plays

Dame Rosemary Squire, a theatre owner, has spoken out about the need for shorter plays – and we couldn't agree more. Sitting through a 190-minute production of A Long Day's Journey Into Night at the Wyndham's Theatre in London was a grueling experience that left this writer feeling like a balloon trying to fold itself into a matchbox.

But it seems that some theatre enthusiasts are still stuck in the dark ages, blissfully unaware of the comforts provided by modern theatres. Robert Icke's production of Oedipus at the same theatre was a masterclass in brevity – two hours without an interval, and every second counted.

Greta's Gaza Gamble

Greta Thunberg is sailing into Gaza as part of her "freedom flotilla," but one can't help but wonder if this stunt is merely a publicity grab. The ongoing war between Israel and Hamas has dominated news headlines for far too long, leaving the Israeli hostages – 56 at last count – in an uncomfortable silence.

Where is the aid, Greta? Where are the supplies to help those trapped in Gaza? Or is this merely another empty protest designed to boost your public image?

The Burka Debate

Should we ban the burka in Western countries? It's a question that needs to be asked and answered – but our lily-livered Prime Minister, Keir Starmer, won't even touch it. "I'm not going down that line," he blustered this week.

Perhaps if we were more willing to have difficult conversations about issues like the burka, we might actually make progress in addressing the problems facing modern society. But until then, we're stuck with empty words and half-hearted attempts at change.

Hedge Your Bets, Camilla!

Queen Camilla has made headlines for her encounter with a "vibrant, biodiverse space" in London created by the Eden Project – but not for the reasons you might expect. Instead of shaking hands with the hedge funders, she gamely asked two "Moss People" if they could see.

As it turns out, these Moss People can only converse in mossy speak – a language that few understand. Is St Kate of Moss their patron? If not, perhaps she should be based on this delightful exchange.

And so, dear readers, we bid you adieu with a hint of gossip and a dash of controversy. Until next time, stay juicy!